Restless and content

A friend IM'ed to say she'd gotten into Harvard's MA program. An old student got into Harvard for u-grad. A seminary classmate was accepted for PhD studies in my field. All in all, it's the season for those acceptance letters to arrive.

And I miss it. There's some part of me that feels I'm missing out. But strangely, I've never felt that way before. I never really noticed the "acceptance letter" season before. I never felt left out.

This season is hitting right when I've been feeling the need to learn again. In particular, the need to be an expert in something. It sounds pretentious, perhaps. But so often, I feel out of my element even when discussing things I know. I want to delve into a subject, read the experts, know enough to have something worth saying on it.

I'm restless. I'm excited about the possibilities, I'm longing for the day when I can go on with my studies.

But I'm not anxious for it. This is a blessed time of peace and tranquility, and I'm grateful for it. My time in Korea is just that, a rest. It'll help me be prepared for whatever comes next. So, yeah, I look forward to something, but I'm content to let it come in its time, in God's time. When it does come, I'll be more than ready for it. And I think that's exactly how waiting ought to be: there are moments of yearning for what comes next, but mostly joy in the present.