Word Watch

The words I'm watching are my own. I have a student who I've heard a little about from another teacher - nothing bad, mind you. But this student is in my class for the first time, and I said, "You're an English major, right?" No.... "Oh, but you take a lot of English classes?"

Then he got worried. He asked how I knew that, if another teacher had said something. But the teacher he mentioned was a third teacher, not the one that had named him. I gave him a hard look, and asked if he was in the speech competition. He was, and I said he must be familiar from that.

Ok, now perhaps we could say I lied. Perhaps I should have told him that just an hour before, one of his teachers had looked through my attendance list and named all her students. But it is true - he did look familiar. And he was in the competition. So in the end, he got his answer and wasn't worried about teachers gossiping.

Well, that's great. But it has me thinking. See, I generally don't talk about students with other teachers - none of us do. We might talk about how a class is going, or a project we did with students. We may even mention that one student or another stands out. But we generally don't just complain about students or gossip about them.

But they don't know that. And frankly, I would be a little uncomfortable if I felt my teachers were talking about me. They might be saying only good things, but I can't know that. It would make me self-conscious.

So today I resolve to watch what I say in two ways: 1) I won't gossip about students. I don't think I do, but I'm going to make a special effort on that front - what a student says or does (even if it's in the public setting of class) is confidential. 2) I won't listen to other teacher's comments about students. Again, I really don't think I do, but sometimes a teacher lets something slip, especially if you have the same students. Now, I'm not going to be the annoying person, "Oh, stop. I don't want to hear any gossip." But I will avoid it tactfully, and, if I do hear something, be careful not to allude to it again.

All in all, I want to really respect my students. And watch my words. 

Level Tests

Today was all about level tests. These are tests given to students to determine how much they know of a language. As a teacher, I can determine how much they know based on a short conversation. Also, as a teacher, I remind the students to relax - it's not a major test, just a way for us to sort the students into similar groups. We had to level test our students for the summer program.

But I had a few students sweating bullets. I'm sure they knew much more English than they spoke, but they were so nervous they could barely complete sentences.

Me too. Because today I also took a level test - for Korean.

Yes, I'm finally starting Korean classes. I've been wanting to do it for a long time, but I was waiting until I had the time to focus and the money to pay for it. So I signed up. I should start at Level 2, I'm sure. But when it came to the interview, I couldn't speak a word in Korean. I could understand the questions, but whatever vocabulary I knew was gone. I could basically only stutter a "yes" or "no"... or I'd switch to English. Which is pretty much what I do in real daily life, except that I can usually get a few more Korean words out.

Anyway, she wanted to put me in level 1, where I'd be studying the alphabet. I asked her to bump me up - promised I'd be focused since this is all I'm doing this summer (except for the classes I'm teaching the next few weeks). Truth is, I'm a good student. I'm sure that if she puts me in level 2, I'll be the top student...

So here's what I'm thinking: I have a lot more sympathy for my students. It's the mix of shame and confusion. It's also dread and hope. And yeah, nerves are a big part of this.

So there it is. I'm finally starting Korean. It's about time.

Fresh Starts

Every few months, I get motivated. I clean my room. I mean, I really clean it. You know, toss out all the old papers, find random items under the bed.... A fresh start. Then, I turn to my online life... There's a part of me that would love to be organized and narrate who I am online. Keep the blog, photos, facebook, twitter, and assorted other sites connected and well-informed. Unfortunately, it just takes too much time.

However, when I'm motivated, as now, I always want to toss this blog and start afresh. It's like a New Year's resolution. I'm going to.... learn a language. Lose weight. Read more. Be organized... but there's a reason these resolutions don't work.

See, all of these things are about habits. Habits are tricky things. They sneak into your life unexpectedly, then seem so hard to break. But that's not the worst thing, as we all know. The worst thing is trying to create one. I mean, they slip into our lives on their own easily enough, so why should it be so hard to gain one you actually want?

Now, I know all the tricks. Anchor a new habit (like reading) to an old habit (like commuting on the train). Then there's the whole thing about goals - set big goals, then break them down into smaller goals. Or grab a partner to help you stick to the new habit. These are all excellent tricks, but they exit precisely because changing habits is so hard.

Then, there's my journal. If you ask me, I say I journal. Yes, I do. I keep a journal. Regularly. I've been keeping one for more than half my life now. Portions are on the computer and portions are in some well-worn journals, but they all add up to the narrative of my life. Honestly, that's an impressive habit.

But you know what's interesting when you look at this habit? It's full of holes. "Regularly" is relative. There are months where I wrote every day. Every single day, for an hour or more - I wrote. Then there are six months of silence. Absolutely nothing is said for whole portions of my life. Did nothing happen? Was I simply to busy to write? Writer's block? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Some people have an amazing ability that most of us envy: Discipline. They can stick with it no matter what. That's great. For them. But for the rest of us, there's the perspective of the big picture. When I look back at 15 years of journaling, I don't notice all the gaps. I notice what was actually done.

So it is with prayer. Or a healthy lifestyle. Or even organizing all my photos online. The thing that I love most - God sees from the big picture perspective. He celebrates that we managed to do it, not berating us for the times we missed. So let's throw out the guilt and do it just one more time.  Even if you didn't feel like it yesterday, of for the past year. Pick up where you're at and move forward. Don't go back to the beginning.

I won't be starting a new blog. I might be adding to this one. I might not. But the fact that it's been wobbling around for nearly two years means I should help it out, not scrap it and try to be perfect.