Cultural frustration moment: I have a vet I go to regularly. He's a nice guy. Both him and his assistant speak English pretty well and seem to know what they're doing. The other day, I even tried an experiment - I called for an appointment! He must have saved my number, because he answered with "Hello!" It was quite cheery. I happily made a grooming appointment.
So, later I stopped by with some friends to drop off Selah. I've taken her in before and they do a god job. So it should be simple. I told him I wanted her shaved everywhere, leaving about 1 cm of hair. He was clear on it. The assistant showed me another dog as a sample, and I joked, "No, I don't want a naked dog. Just 1 cm." He clearly got it also.
Then the vet saw that one of my friends was Korean. And, while her English is good, it's no better than the vet's. But suddenly, he wouldn't speak to me. He asked her what I wanted. And she proceeded to answer! They spoke about line cuts and all sorts of other things in Korean for at least 10 minutes. My friend has never had a dog (and presumably doesn't know anything about grooming) and she never asked me what I wanted. I even walked out of the room to see my other friend. Honestly, I was very upset.
Finally, after they agreed on something that did NOT involve shaving, I said, "No, just shave her to 1 cm." As I said that, the assistant joked, "No naked dog, right?" He got it and I appreciated his easing the situation.
So, what happened here?
First, as far as the vet's concerned, he probably assumed a friend of mine spoke better English than he did. I get that, although that's just a sign of how much he under-estimates himself. Also, I get that he probably wanted her to play the role of translator, not realizing she would just answer him herself.
Second, I don't really know this friend very well, so I can't guess at what she was thinking. She seems to have mis-understood my directions about "1 cm", because I think she was convincing him I didn't want Selah shaved. Perhaps she thought "no naked dog" meant no shaving, just a trim.
Most important: Why was I so angry?
A lot of it is perspective. Now I have it; then, I didn't. That's a big part of living in another culture - recognizing that your perspectives are different. And honestly, they will always be different. So even if you don't "get" what others are thinking, the key is to understand what they think, learn to predict how they'll react, and be patient with it. After all, you're the foreigner with crazy ideas / strange reactions.
But for myself - How was I feeling that made me angry? I think it was mostly feeling de-valued / de-humanized. They spoke as if I wasn't in the room, or as if my opinion didn't matter. It was like I vanished. It was terribly rude.
But finally, a lot of it is about control. It's my dog, my appointment, and my money is paying for the haircut. So I want my say in it. I was mostly upset with the vet for asking my friend instead of me; it takes away my authority as the client in the situation.However, I recognized my anger and tried to hold my tongue. I know the feelings still seeped through - I don't hide them that well. But, I also made an effort and let go of the anger within 20 minutes. As Ephesians says, "Be angry, but do not sin. And do not let the anger stay for long." It's nice to know that God understands our emotions welling up. We're allowed to feel angry.
Anyway, the cut turned out perfect. And Selah act light and free!
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