On a Scale of 1 to 10...

That's how paramedics ask you to describe the pain. Doesn't matter the injury, just give me some vague idea of how much it hurts.

There's a problem with that question: The scale is relative. My 8 might be your 3. Okay, well, actually, paramedics consider this as well. That's why medical professionals tend to be a bit jaded - you say 8 and they take it down a few notches based on their experience. Don't knock them for this - trust me, you'd be jaded too at everyone overestimating their condition.

Two days ago, I sprained my ankle. It's pretty bad, but definitely not broken. The pain was about a 6 or 7 on my personal scale, down to a 2 on the second day. Not bad at all. But I had a similar injury 10 yrs ago, and at that time I would have said it was a 10, and stayed around 5 for more than a week.

So what changed?

Experience. In between the two sprains, I suffered a lower back injury at work. It immobilized me for 2 weeks and took 3 months to heal. Also, it's recurred a few times, though not as bad as the first. Still, if it hits, I clear my schedule for a week.

Compared to the back pain, a sprained ankle doesn't seem so terrible any more. When the first sprain happened, it topped my scale of experience. But the back injury eventually topped that. All in all, I haven't had many accidents, so I'm sure a broken bone or childbirth would re-define my scale yet again.

So maybe the purpose of the question isn't to find out how much pain someone is feeling, but to find out how much pain they've experienced. And maybe, we should have more sympathy for a person claiming a 5... because if they're calling it a 5, they've been through much worse. But there is an upside - experience generally teaches us how to cope.

I'm pretty sure this includes psychological, emotional, and spiritual pain as well. One more reason to be careful of judging others - we have no idea where they've been or what they've experienced. 

The Value of Time

I have a pet peeve: small groups & other church meetings that regularly go over schedule. I can be flexible; if there's a good discussion / prayer going on, by all means, let's finish it. But EVERY week? I don't think so. Here's why:

Who's responsible? That's easy: the leader. I'm sorry leaders, but yes, it's all you. You may think people don't want to end, but I promise - they do. If they really don't, they can stay after and keep going. People are being polite by not walking out. The prayer meeting was scheduled to end at 9 pm. By 9:15, everyone's feeling it. No one will be upset with you for ending on time.

Why don't leaders end? Well, a few reasons come to mind.

1. They don't know how. I think this is the most common reason. They aren't able to steer the conversation / prayer to a close.


2. They don't have the courage to do so. They may be aware that its time to end, but timid to actually do so. This may include fears that the group wants to keep going, or that they will be seen as "bossy".


3. They are completely unaware of the time themselves. Some people simply don't notice the time. They may need a "timekeeper" in the group - someone to send a pre-arrange signal, including just saying point-blank that there's only ten minutes left.


4. They have an unrealistic agenda. No, you're not going to worship, pray, read scripture, and discuss 10 people's weeks in 1 hour. Don't try.


5. They may be talking too much (or allowing others to do so). If they're teaching/preaching, they may need to reduce what they're presenting. If they're guiding a discussion, they may be doing too much teaching (This is a problem I often notice in the Asian / Asian-American setting. With Asian culture saying "listen to an expert" and church culture saying "discuss", the result is a lecture diluted into a discussion.)


6. Here's the big one: They don't want to seem "unspiritual". This actually goes for members too - as a reason they don't leave / insist on ending. See, it's a church meeting, so we're on "God's time". Therefore, anyone stingy enough to leave / end is really just being "selfish". I've seen meetings run hours over schedule for this reason.

So why does this bother me so much? Mainly, it's a matter of respect. People come voluntarily. They are giving up their time to meet, to pray, to study, to worship. Yes, they want to be there. But it's still their time. They're giving it to God (yes, theologically we could argue that all their time comes from God. But if so, I'd point out that they are stewards of their time). The more often the meetings run over time, the more the member knows their time isn't respected, and the more likely that the member will just take to being late to compensate.

Example: It's a lot like a tithe. A person may decide to give the full 10% of their income, just like they decided to give 2 hrs to the prayer meeting. No one would dream of adding digits on their offering check to make it 15%, and yet we rarely hesitate to make a 2 hr meeting run for an extra 30 minutes. Since the person knows the meeting will always run late, they may as well show up late too.

It's a matter of faithfulness. The leader has been unfaithful to the promise they gave. Conversely, it's also a matter of trust. If the church bulletin said we'd finish by 11:30 am, but we're not done at noon, how can the member trust that bulletin? Or worse, the leader responsible? As the schedule is not followed, how can the member know that other things said by the leader / church are reliable?

I'm definitely not picking on anyone in particular - I've seen this at every church I've been to. As I said at the beginning, I'm most concerned with the regularity with which it happens. Please, please, leaders, end meetings on time!